sadness during holiday~

quite a long time i din get a new post for my dear blog~
this few days...how was my going?? how are me??
bad..totally sad..
at first...
i tot is something again like mood swing..
my mood suddenly turns emo..
no why..
but after that..i found that everythings happenned with a reason..
and so i know why am i emo..
the things that made me sad is totally shouldn't be..
but why i stil into it....
i dont know why i so care about it..
but i'm really sad..

i had a great shopping this holiday..
with my own salary..with my own decision..
which i never been tried b4..and i did it on my 18~ =)
the first i did....is waste on him....i shouldn't..
i regret after that...why i did that on him??i wonder....
and i sad jz bcoz of him....
i think i'm wrong...yes..i'm totally wrong...
i never ever do this b4..
even to him.. i never..
at first i tot is worth to do so...but now, is not....

every single msg i sent it to him..
i sad once... he doesn't know about that..
maybe he did, but i dont think so..
every call i dialled..
i disappoint once.. and i really wish he could know..

i'm asking myself why did i care for...
and i jz wan to know why..
and i wan to know wat is the reason..
jz that simple...but i couldn't get it..