痕迹

这个月是否发生了许多事情？
我看见自己在这里留下的痕迹。。
我不太了解什么冲动让我写下这一切。。

我仍然相信。。
在现实中的我，是比在倾诉的我有更多的问题。。

或许不是这个月，而是打从那一天我进入校园。。
接触的人不一样。。
我常常在想，如果我坚持不踏入。。
如果我不认识现在的点点滴滴。。
是否一切会变得美好？
我知道我的影响力不大。。
可是在某个角度，我真的认为我制造太多悲剧了。。
挽回不了。。只好让它自己走。。

爱

太多的爱怕醉，没人疼爱再美的人也会憔悴。。

在需要肩膀的时候，是否有一手臂就足够？
在需要关怀的时候，是否有一问候就满足？
在需要倾诉的时候，是否有一聆听就足够？
在真正想念他的时候，是否还是要逞强逃避？
在后悔的时候，是否不顾一切挽留回？
在寂寞的时候，是否就算受伤也愿意尝试？
在被伤害的时候，是否若无其事就算了？
在在意的时候，是否往心里吞闭上双眼？
在真正在乎的时候，是否选择默默祝福？

请记得你要比我幸福。。

hate me?

i think i complaint too much..
but i stil wan to~~~
i dont like it la..
if u purposely hate a person..
u dont felt the suffer mehhh???
haiz..
i hate the feeling being hate ok??
maybe u dont know but i knew it lehhh...
why i knew???
i also dont wish to know..
i also dont wish to feel it..
i also dont wish it to happen..
anyhow..
the choices stil on u..
i jz can say if u feel comfortable with it then....go ahead lor..
but i wan to say, i not comfort with it ok??!!
not at all..
sorry..i know maybe u'll think i dont understand the real behind..
but..i dont think this is the only way to solve..
and so, the way u purposely hurt is SXXX~

form6 exam~

finally~the exam is over..
ya..it's over..
but for me, it's the starting point..the initial point..
to walk for my future..
sigh..
so sad for this time exam..
wat can i do..
the first time..i really simply done my objective..
i thought it's normal..
the first time..i circle the answer with full of pain in my heart..
it's hurt u know..
not even really read through the question..
shit..
the first time in my exam life..
so hurt..
so sad..
so rush..
maybe..this is wat we call as form6 life~
learn to fail b4 success..
is it true?
i din really failed b4...
even for my confident subject..
hurtED!

when the moment i heard ppl discussing..
i felt their intelligent..
they are happy with the correct..
my heart is bleeding..
but their success can motivate me i know..
i know i can..
jz the way..
the stupid way i used..
for this 18years..
i stil using the stupid way..
i stil like to dream while revising..
wat the shit am i doing...haizz..
every times exam, also the same feeling..
cant study well is my own problem..
the questions is not tough but me myself is tough to settle..
i jz can say, i can do it if i wan..
i know i can..
yes i can..
but did i did it??

i don think u love me...

you told me u think clearly....
i just can say....
"wat u do u should know..
and i hope u really know..
not to regret not to cry..
if an answer so easy to change your mind..
close your eyes and think twice..
something that should not be rush, let it be slow..
somethings that should be care, i dont wish to keep inside my heart"

sweet one~

i starts to asking those silly question again...
i starts to make pur relation worst..
u said i'm your loved one..
i answer your a question mark..
"a sweet one but a question mark"
wat i means?
i asking u whether u really love me..
are u really truthly love me??
if your answer is yes, please dont tel me..
not i wont believe it..
but i worry to believe it...

sister~

thanks for your care my dear sister..
i know u really care much on me..
i know is really difficult to let u to pretend..
anyhow i stil duno y u wan suffer yourself to hurt me too..
but if u think it's the effective way to go..
jz do it..
as how u support me, i'll support you..
and i really wish to tel u that, i not hatting u..
i din hate u bcoz of this..
i jz can say that....dont try to think that u're right everytime..
u not always correct..
wat i means u not always wil get wat i meant also..
as u say i stil not understand..
did you know??
when u said "u stil not understand"
i really get the hurt..
i tot i can really know the feeling and the thinking u having..
as u say u finally found a person which can understand u easily..
from that moment, i told myself not to say i understand..
and the same, if i say u din get wat i mean, please dont be too sad..(maybe u wont?)
you're a good one..i realised it.. =)
thanks for colouring my life =)
thanks for similar with me =)
thanks for your care =)
thanks for your love b4 =)
thanks for your taught =)
thanks for your advice =)
i appreciate wat i received from u ^.^
<3

your love..

i know u stil love her...
thats my own conclusion..
from the way i asked u...
"i know u stil love her...."
u din respond to reject my point...
"dont think too much k.."
i know u already answer my question...

at last i know...u're tired..
my fault again..but i deserve it..no regrets..
let the time go..i know u can do it..
i'm an experienced person too (>.<) not really la..
jz....
finally i realised u're a good one..
but then....i not the right person to replace them in your heart..
the way u stil care..
not i mind it..but i know i'll mind if once i fall...
i know is a good way to express how truth u're to them...
sorry i have to say again..
i'll be here for u again..
but not the partner as u wish i think..

my love..

oh my god...
gosh~!!!
i duno y they always like that..
are they really wish to see the recover from me and him??
but no way la...
why they couldn't understand..
even the feeling is in, i wont forgive him also..
but now the feeling is not in anymore..
the way i saw he said "i love you my dear..." towards another person he loved NOW..
i not as hurt as last time i did..
but i smile and i really wish him good luck..
i tot he having his tough task at first..
but at last i saw he able to crop it nicely..
but i really dont know why lorrr...
you stil wan to contact with him..
stil wan to tel me his mother is care of me..
so wat?? i know is too bad to respond so...but....
i know she care for me..but jz a normal care and not as wat u think..
her mother and u wish us to be recovered i know..
but the ending is written there wont be..

at last i asked u, u wish i recover with him is it?
or u wish i go my next step?
i know ur answer full of reluctantly..
"next step sure wil be better also..."
u add on,
"however, he is really a good guy as u know also..it's not bad to recover again.."
speechless..
love is end means is end..
ya, maybe the coming day i dont know..
i love him..before...ya..before...a truth love a truth heart...
i stil willing to share his sadness as he did this few years ago too..
i stil willing to contact with him even how hurt he done to me...
but recover......please dont interupt my life i think...
i stil fear of wat u done my me... sorry..

words~

when i read through the words by words...
my heart bleed drops by drops...
i dont know why i respond so..
but...
at that moment, i really almost drop out my tears..
i know i care..
i know i understand..
i know i hurt..
i jz dont want to be like this..
i really dont know why wan make it complicated among myself..
i really dont know since the first day i know you....

think of me...

when u're sad, wil u think of me?
when u're alone, wil u think of me?
when u're helpless, wil u think of me?
when u're crying, wil u think of me?
am i the first person to cross your mind?
am i the preson u really care??

actually i really wish to know the answer..
jz i pretent i dont care..
but i know i care for your care..

my way~

i'm asking someone some silly question..
i dont know why i ask so..
and maybe ppl could scold me again..
"dont fake la u..dont act la u..so obvious the answer is..."
anyhow, i stil think i dont know..
i jz can react "oh shit! wat am i doing?"
once i ask this, i really know wat am i doing..
just.....the way is......slut?
i learned this word at a night in pasar malam..
and so am i??
i asking myself thoudsand times...
did i able to handle my next....
i wondering for such a long time...
i gave many ppl the same answer which is no no no..
but end up i doubt...
i dont want to lie..
i really not wish to...
anyhow......jz depends wat my respond on that day comes~~~

selfish~

friend..
let us be fren..jz be fren..
i dont care wat happen..
i dont care how tough is it..
i dont think it is tough also..
maybe in such situation everyone gonna be selfish..
it's no any wrong to be selfish..
first, u care a person u think u should not..
well..if selfish can allow u to get into her heart..
why not??
next, u had a right choice to leave her and might hurt her..
yea, a selfish act that u jz hurt can dont care about her..
maybe and really u life better..
wat a bad? no right? jz continue as u like..
finally, jz choose a selfish way jz like how another did..
dont care anything but chase to a target..
dont care wat relation break or hurt or lost..
jz go ahead..
why not??
he saw the hope in front with his selfish..
in between, someone who chose to be selfish too..
wish to know the perfect..
try her best to see through the future..
without care others bleeding hurting..
jz go ahead and continue her normal life..
bring hope to ppl when she feel she can..
bring sad to ppl when she mood swing..
ouu..selfish makes her happy..
ain't wrong?
no any answer for the question..
no ppl to be blame..
no ppl to be care..
no ppl to be trust..
no ppl to be ask..
no ppl to be really listen through..

never let u go-janice

love the meaningful lyrics~
i remember the everything of that day..
i cant believe we'd never dance..
i just need one more chance, to share the sunset, our last romance..

if you give me one chance to tel u how i was feeling,
i will sing to u and tel u i wont live my life without u..
if you give me one chance to tel u how i was feeling,
i wil hold your hand and look in your eyes,
and u'll know i never let u go.....

鄭秀文 - 她們說

这个城市好玄幻

谁肯静下来听听女人说话

爱与被爱都慌 信和不信都傻

不就是风花换一场牵挂

心里有个男人始终看不懂的世界

只凭著美丽的直觉 决定这次要爱向谁

女人们呀 别再和感觉冷战 是是非非 别退缩爱地勇敢

只要珍惜过 那怕最后的结果遗憾

也不怕 也不管 拥抱时心跳多麼地乱

就算年轻再短暂 回忆也要存进去脑海保管

记得住曾经温暖 如果还剩一点伤感 时间会冲淡

这个城市好孤单

每个女人全都在学著习惯

得到时有负担 失去后会心寒

眺望著爱情两眼欲穿

女人们呀 别再和感觉冷战 是是非非 别退缩爱地勇敢

只要珍惜过 那怕最后的结果遗憾

也不怕 也不管 拥抱时心跳多麼地乱

就算年轻再短暂 回忆也要存进去脑海保管

记得住曾经温暖 如果还剩一点伤感 时间会冲淡

当爱不再回来的夜晚 她们说眼泪终会流乾

等突然想起某个片段 她们说放手让他经过别回头看

女人们呀 别再向理智挑战 对对错错 管他们到处流传

珍惜一次过 那怕往事会让人心酸

也不怕 也不管 相爱的过程危险狂乱

就算幸福再短暂 回忆也要放进去脑海保暖

如果爱注定很难 别让自己疲惫不堪

珍惜每一段

我真的怕了..

我真的怕了。。
面对你背对你都痛。。
你的温柔背后藏的心事难懂。。
靠近你远离你都痛。。
装不出的脆弱终于打败了我。。
真的怕了。。。

damn u!

i hate u..
i hate u..
i really hate u..
i very hate u..
i damn hate~!!!!!!
but why i cant express it in front of u???
shit u...
i dont wan to be so rude..
but i hate it..
no ppl can understand except u having the same situation..
i know....it's again wil let ppl say that i'm lebih to angry..
why....why i duno how to reject..
why...why u dunwan straight tel me..
why u wan turn a big big round..
why u wan like that..
why why why!!!!!
why u wan break your promise...
why u wan spoil our relation..
why??!!!!
do u knw??
not bcoz i selfish..
but the way u treat me..
the way u ask me for help..
no..u not ask me for help..
but u aspect me for help..
u try your silly way to force me to help..
hey~!! wat the Fish u wan?????

代表着什么?

我很幸福真的幸福，却渴望得到你的祝福。。
我很快乐真的快乐，却还是觉得依依不舍。。

想你想你想你，最后一次想你。。
因为明天我将成为别人的新娘。。
让我最后一次想你。。

其实这一切代表着什么？
你。。还在乎我吗？
你。。还爱我吗？

你忘了告诉我..

你说他很好。。
你说他很适合当朋友。。
你说他不适合我。。
你说他不会是个好男朋友。。
但是你忘了告诉我。。
我应该放弃尝试的机会吗？
我应该选择冒险错失一个你所谓很适合的朋友吗？
我应该再观察吗？

你说~

你告诉我你不想恋爱。。
你说你不享受单身。。
我却看见你牵起他／她的手。。

你说你害怕失去。。
你说你不敢再爱。。
我却看见你幸福的面孔。。

祝福依然心疼。。
笑容依然带泪。。
关怀依然刺痛。。

你不在~

当我最需要你的时候为什么你不在？
我以为你是我的依靠，可惜你却选择离开。。
我以为你真的做到，可是你骗我。。
在我无助时为什么你假装看不见。。
我依然相信我的感觉是对的。。
是谁在欺骗我不想知道了。。

i hate the way!

i hate the way u make it like that..
i dun like u force me..
i dun like the way u treat me..
i dun like it!~!!!
u make me remember how i over my past year..
the way he treat me..
i hate it!
i dun like he force me too..
i could not accept it!!
no!! for b4 n now!!
no please..
even i'm 18 now..
i tried to open my mind...
but....
sorry..
it's too fast for me..
no thanks..
let me go..
i know this would happen..
i jz can say, luckily i stil haven approve...

single~

i know wat m i doing...
i accept wat m i doing..
doesn't mean that i accept the relation...
i'm single..
i'm clear of any relation..
i'm jz myself..
even how close am i with..
i'm stil single..

it's really my fault..
duno how to stop this terrible closeness i having..
again....unlucky and hurt and misunderstood..
life jz once...
i appreciate wat i had before..in order to convice myself.....

please..

if i'm the one who caused so many things many trouble many problems..
if i'm really so annoy to appear in your life...
if....if.... i hope really is jz if....
i know i shouldn't do something that over than my power...
i din...but the process jz like i had to..
jz like my fren told me, he is the unlucky one..sad..
i dunwan.. and now..not only is the unlucky one..
but seems like there are so many misunderstood...
shit..wat the f.. i dunwan it to be..
i knw maybe i really done something that let ppl tot something else..
but i jz can say....i clear wat m i doing....

the feeling coming back..

2day..duno wat happened to me..
in a blank house..
i suddenly felt so empty..
the feeling..the fear feeling..the horrible feeling..
i'm alone.. i'm worry.. i'm nothing but jz alone..
why i felt everythings gone from me...suddenly...
it seems back to the last few years..
i rmbr...
those days..i over everyday with such feeling...i'm alone without a perfect family..
i lost my family.. i face the empty..
until now...even it seems all are coming back..but...
it seems to be different..its actually stil the same..
sigh..
but i faced it..i affort to handle it..but now..
i got the feeling again..
i know somethings happened..

at that moment...i think of one of my fren..who can understand me i know...
but...he hurted me..depthly..
even sad even hurt..

hurted from words..

i'm hurt..i'm sad..
after seeing wat u had written..
i wonder y myself wil refer it also..
but..
i knw there is a problem..
it's too sudden..why..wat happened??
is this relation wil be break?
since when??
my heart sank..not bcoz of wat i lost..
but bcoz of the way u hurt me..
from wat i knw, maybe u hurted more by me..
but for me, i did nothing..

u means i lied..and u hate about lie..
i swear i never n ever..jz bcoz of wat u had told me..
maybe u really misunderstood..
maybe is just the situation is so complicated..
sorry..i know it doesn't work..but my heart really wish to apologise..
i can feel the pain of u, is true..but..i know u wont believe me anymore....

meaningful song~

谁愿意有勇气不顾一切付出真心？

害怕爱过以后还要失去。。

i love this song..but..i not dare to hear it again..
i not dare to share it again..
that is ours song..
it's a night mare..
i worry this..i dont like..
i dunwan to do the same things..
i dunwan the ending to be the same..
it's really very "xie"~

谎言

＂你老实说吧，我真的没事的。。＂这就是谎言。。