something about love~

i felt somethings after my spm..
i felt i had grow up..be more mature...
when i tidy up our memory, i remembered many things..
i felt last time is a childish game.. is an immature game..
but i felt after this love, i having a tough mission to back into true love...
i changed..
i forgot him..really..i did it...
i dun care him..
i can live without him..from begining i did it too..
i love myself so much..
i dress up myself..
i care my image..
i proved to myself finally that i really put down every sadness or hateness..
yeah~~!!!

happy?? yaya^^

somemore..........i felt something.... i miss him....erm..maybe cannot use miss..but i wish to have a even higher level of relationship with him....

happy go lucky^^ yahoooooorayyyyy!!!

the theif~

hmmmmm~ duno who always wil visit my blog....??
anyway, jz wan to inform i wont so often update my blog..so sorry to let u all have a disappointed feeling after view my blog every time..

haiz..ask me y???haizz..sad to say it..
i also forgot did i said it b4...

the theif..is it theif??i also duno whether my broken english simply used the word..
actually i jz suspect is him la...but my sense told me ya, is him..
but i also din saw him b4..haiz..
i duno y he wan break in my hse..i also not staying in banglo..
but maybe jz bcoz not banglo so he can break in without escapre from cctv..
wat to do...haiz...
i lost my pc on that day.....so sad..
evendol that lettop not mine(was my sis), but i stil sad with it..
haiz..i sad bcoz of inside have all my documents, photos,memory!!!!!!!
all gone in jz that second... :(
so hurt so sad..
i sad bcoz of that is my only line to connect, to have fun, to relax, and also to revise!!!!!!!
i hate him...even a little step pull out my memory on him...
b4 having spm...i need my lettop to do my revise...
looking my fren all transferring others state's trial paper to do or spot the question...
wat can i do?? stay at home to face the book... i really felt sad...
all the file inside my pen drive but i cant do anythings wit it...
i went my fren hse, this is the only way..but, ppl's hse also not suit to stay for so long..
and also not felt comfort when using the pc...
i sad bcoz of the lettop is a very very very old fashion, old version, old model, stil very heavy to carry...y the ppl stil wan to steal it.......??!!!???!!!???!!!!!!!!
he got the RMxx.xx , but destroy my whole future....!!!!
maybe i said like this is too "kua zhang", but i really felt that...

anyhow, this case past so long and i ended my spm too...BUT, i stil hate him..
if have a chance to meet him, i sure wil let him die in front me!!! @#$%^&(*&^%$#$%^&

life after spm~

actually i worry my life after spm..~
who can help me??
i dun even knw wat is my ambition...haizz
wat to do??
simply study a course to get a cert??

actually i wan to over a real true university life..
i duno did i have the qualification to dream this..
so i jz can escape this night mare by telling myself to wait for the result on march...
i knw this is not a good solution..
well....i going national service ma...nvm...can relax there first...

oh ya.. is it i can relax there?? actually i not really very worry my life in national service..
curry rice..roti canai..i think these foods all is much delicious than my original menu...
i knw maybe i shudn't say this, but is true..somemore i din hate the life i having now...
ya..i quite hard..quite tough....so wat??stil can stand up..still can have spm exam get result...
i knw is better than many ppl else...

hope is a good life there~

after spm~

hmmm..my feel....is jz normal..
ya, happy..i felt happy after i finishED my last paper...
but...i didn't shout loudly.. y? i duno..
within spm's exam daysssss, actually i stil the same..
stil the same as i taking my monthly test..
i have no such feeling of very very panic, worry... ...
no "very very" but got a little bit la...of course..
but i felt very fed-up (until nw stil duno hw to spell this word) actually..
maybe too much of exam in my sch...so i felt exam jz normal test lor...spm also normal d..
is it i give up my future??i duno..i also blur..
but i dun think so..bcoz i knw i got try my best...bcoz i knw i stil pain when i cant ans the paper...
however, i din cry for it..i din die for it..maybe this is wat elderest's ppl said big big girl edi....
maybe maybe...
but... ...
that day i went out with fren to the cinema, the counter ppl asked me : " cukup umur tak?" (got under age?) my god...it is PG13.. i din misunderstood the meaning of PG13 rite??
but y?? duno is it a good things.... if i knw that earlier, maybe i could buy a children ticket...cheaper wat....haizzz

他..

而他，我看不起你！！
这一切都因你而起！！
你太令我失望了。。
你很懦弱。。
是因为我比你懦弱吗？
所以一直以来你都不是这样的。。
现在的你，很懦弱。。

我很鄙视你！

你竟然愿意被侮辱！

你竟然因为不要被骂而继续！

你竟然告诉我你的现实是要荣华富贵!

你竟然因为人家的主动不想拒绝！

你竟然背叛我。。你知道吗？

你并不成熟。。虽然你常说我不成熟。。

你所说的每个字，我仔细地了解。。

你很无知。。其实你并不爱她。。

不过现在或许日久深情，你已爱上她。。
。。。

第三者~

为什么你要霸占我的男人？

为什么你要诱惑他？

为什么你要我当第三者？

为什么你要为难他？

为什么你的钱财诱惑那么大？

为什么你的主动打动他？

这都算了。。

为什么你还要在我的家乡和他开始？

为什么你要让我回家乡还勾起你的卑鄙？

为什么你要选择在这时候见家长？

为什么你要让我在家也过得不安心？

为什么你要我在路边也在意你的出现？

为什么你要连我的唯一居住地方也霸占？

为什么？为什么？

一切一切我都输了。。我败了。。

你的笑..

忍无可忍啊！

为什么我要一次又一次地折磨我自己。。

我不喜欢看见不愿意的笑容。。

为什么要笑得如此勉强？如此尴尬？

对不起。。

我也不想这样。。

是他先把头开了，我才要折磨自己给一个结局。。

我也知道你的微笑很委屈。。

不好意思打扰了。。

但我的心很疼你懂吗？？

谁来救救我。。help me~

我很乱。。

very confuse~

为什么全部都发生在同一个时间？

y all happened on the same time??

是天的安排吗？

is this god arranged it??

为什么？

but why??

我已经选了一次，很难的选择。。

i had made my choice once..very difficult :(

现在又要选？我好累。。

now wan choose again??i m tired..

我真的想好好的回家乡庆祝婆婆寿日。。

i jz wish to back hometown for celebrate grandma's bday..

为什么全部撞时间？？为什么？？

y all met at the same time??why??
我真的要选择坐在那边无所事事？还是去那边？？
shud i choose sit at there wit bored??? or go another there??

为什么我坚持要去？

but y i so insist on going there??

为什么我在意我不能去？

y do i mind i cant attend??

真的是为了他还是另一个他？

bcoz of him? or anothere him??

我的心在想什么的啊？

am i bluffing myself??

是哪一个他？？

is which him??wat my heart thinking??

很乱很烦。。

damn confuse!!

我不要不想不不不！！！！
我好想哭。。wish to cry..

很痛。。very hurt..

很难过。。。very sad..

是我还不想结束吗？

is it i dunwan to end this story??
我该感谢天吗？

shud i thx god??

:(

美丽的回忆还是秘密？

那一天我遇见你。。

想望的眼神。。

我感觉到一股很怪的感觉。。

好久好久。。

又让我看见你。。

一样的眼神。。

一样的感觉。。

我开始对你有等待。。

是的。。

但我放弃了。。

在那天，你回避我的眼神。。

你回避我的到来。。

是我多心，还是你无情？？

又在有一天，我遇见了你。。

那个早晨。。

我的心跳。。

你的眼神。。

你的转身。。

我的假装。。

我的潇洒。。

我。。发现，

我没放弃过。。

这会是个美丽的回忆。。

可以让我永远把你放在心里，

把你当成是我伤心时的开心果吗？

这个秘密，如果你没有和我有一样的感觉，

就让它成为我永远的秘密吧。。

你不会介意对吗？

宇桐非-感动天感动地

一开始我以为
爱本来会很容易
所以没有经过允许
就把你放心底

直到后来有一天
你和他走在一起
我才发现原来爱情
不是真心就可以

我感动天感动地
怎么感动不了你
明明知道没有结局
却还死心塌地

我感动天感动地
怎么感动不了你

总相信爱情会有奇迹
都是我骗自己

以为自己不再去想你
保持不被刺痛的距离
就算早已忘了我自己
却还想要知道你的消息

memory~记忆～

听你的话，害了自己。。
ur advice i followed..but it is hurt...

我美丽的梦，你的恶梦，被逼停止了。。
my sweet dream, ur night mare, is forced to be stopped...

你说的话总那么好听，也许你只把爱当游戏，我却没那么聪明。。
wat u said is nice to hear..
maybe love for u is just a game..
but i am not so clever as u....

心痛

望着你，忽然一阵心痛。。

一次又一次任那感情放纵。。

有一天真如果有一天。。

但愿我还在你记忆中。。

lie~谎言～

it's turn out that, i bluffing myself..
原来我一直在欺骗自己。。

is so long i lie my feeling...
撒谎了这么久。。


time passing without waiting...
时间不留人。。
my heart bleeding without stopping..
心碎不留情。。
but nw i jz realised...
现在才发现。。
is it too late??
是否太迟了？？

the sour taste in my heart..
心里酸酸的感觉。。
the painful of my heart..
心里的那阵痛。。

hw many blood that i have been lost??
我失去了多少血？？
who gonna donate blood for me...??
又有谁愿意捐血给我？？

but i duno which blood type am i...
但是我不知自己的血型。。
no wonder i stil lack of blood....
难怪我贫血。。


waiting for donor..~~
等待捐血者。。～～

photo~

watching the photo..
看着那照片。。

with the the same pose..
那个相同的“剖习”

shud i be glad??
我该感到荣幸吗？？

the person beside was different..
那在隔壁的人已经不同。。

everythings was end..
每个情节已经结束。。

everythings was changed..
每个事情已经改变。。

thx~

thx my fren...
thx my sis..
at last, i failed to keep this blog as a secret..
is this caused by fate??
is this caused by "yuan"?



anyhw, thx a lot..

有妈妈的日子

好多哦！！！

extra large lunch~

胖胖的我。。

矮矮的我。。

餐餐有得吃。。

被喂得饱饱。。

暗恋~

或许是我一相情愿，

但至少玩过暗恋。。

谢谢你哦！

我知道你不会知道那人就是你。。

那，就让它顺其自然吧！

my test~~

2day...
the last day of my monthly test...
my teacher told me...

i did many silly mistake in my test...

so sad...

but...think positive~~

i wont do it again in my coming exam..!!!

again..say it easy...~~

after that, i met my junior...

she told me,

that teacher at her class telling them hw worst their senior did in this test..

sry teacher....

i knw we made u disappointed....

but...really very tough a!!!!

went to tuition..

teacher ask me..

"ur result stil maintain that nice rite??"

"good..maintain it.."

i din have a chance to reply..

i duno hw to say...

i duno wat to say..

i felt guilty...

my spm aaaa!!!!!

gambateh neh!!!!

缘～

so many days din post my mood..

hmmm

say back the day~~

i so happy..

sis, is this called "yuan"??

haha..

like that also let u found my blog..~

kakaka..

i tot 这辈子 also no ppl realise it..

fate to let u saw it pula... >.<

mood~

hmmm..

actually i felt sad..

yup, i knw 2day is my last day for monthly test..

but.. my mood not that nice as i thought~~

wat a silly things surrounding me??

i jz gave a fren little comment n advice him not to hate this world..

but, sry my fren, i hate too..but i need to advice u so..

haiz..type it through keypad so easy..when do it??

not dare to step out~~

continue~

my mood not very nice..

jz finish my tuition..

waiting for the car to fetch me..

so long n long waiting..
duno wat happen..
suddenly~~~~

get a call...

"we waiting u..wer r u??"

"i'm here..waiting too"

"oh??we reached.."

"i waiting too..?? (blur)"

"oh..wer did u tuition my dear?"

my mood down from that second....

that was my parents, but y??

hw my life style they really not clear..

is this is wat they say as the part of time parents n children having big drain btwn??

but.......m i??

ya..i knw i shud not have bad mood jz bcoz of this..
but.... i duno y..

my heart sink down jz like the "carbon sink"...

watever sink la...

haizz...

wat can i blame some more??

aren't good for me??

i shud appreciate...

maybe i having the freedom that others don't..

my fren, dun hate this world..

this world is nice..

for me too...

apreciate it..

yes, i will... :)

muka dua talam

car good??
motor good??
which one is better???

haha..so funny...shit..!
hw can a human be like this????
hw can??
hw come???
haizzz

when u have a car, u said : car is good..very good..dun buy motor..dangerous.....

when u have lost a car n have a motor, u said : motor is good..car is bad...motor can be fast reach destination.. actually motor not dangerous a....

wat the Fish!!!!
hw can u be like this?? hw can???

duno wat to say...
i felt i wan to laugh...
hahahah...
laugh wit tears can??

>.< + T.T =
>.T

shit!! damn it!!

i jz wan to be good...i jz wan to be fair...i jz wan to be kind!!!!

y?? why?? and yyyyy????

y u all treat me as this??

y u all wan to blame me??

y human being must be selfish??

why??

y i did it but u all saw i dint??


yY?YYY???


y i being good but get back the word of blame???
y???

my heart broken....
i hate it....





好心被雷劈！！！
the kind u are, the easy u are to get the scold by thunderstom!!!!!

该写什么？？confuse~

我感动天感动地，怎么却感动不了你？？

the sky cry for me, the land felt touch wit me.. why dont u??

每当我看见你的杰作，看见你曾经为我的付出，我就会忍不住想原谅你，是否太愚昧了呢？

你的曾经是否会真的消失？？我担心是我想太多吗？？

everytime i saw ur draw, saw ur effort on maintain our love, i will blind to forgive u in all the wrong.. is my stupid??

wil u loss ur effort continue to maintain it?? is it i worry too much??

有时我想放手，但我却做不到。。

原来在这短短的两年里，我们经历了不少事情。。

怎么也没想到你给我的回忆这么多。。回忆？？真的没得救了吗？

sometimes i wish to let go, but i cant..

it's turn out that in these two years, we had over all the hardness n enjoy the happiness together.. it is shock that u had save so many memories in my mind.. ops! memories?? means really is the end??

我知道我不该顾虑她，但你们的缘分可真多。。

i knw i shouldn't worry about her..but urs fate is so depth n truth...

到最后，我选择了信任，也选择了当孔雀。。把自己的头钻入土里，以为人家看不见我的尾巴。

at the end, i chosen to trust on u... i also chosen to be a peacock..

i hide my head inside the sand, tot ppl cant see my tail also, as i cant saw it...

你~

我不能阻挡别人喜欢你，但你能阻挡别人不来喜欢你。。
其实，你硬不起来，谁又能强暴得了你？？
到最后，我还是选择信任你，放你走。。
我不再追究你和她的好，我不再对你罗嗦了。。

homeless~

i dun knw wat point u do so..
do u think this is the rite way?
do u think this is the correct way to solve problem?
wer is my hometown?
in future, in the weekend, wer shud i go?
hanging around my hostel?
sitting a whole day in U's library?
wer is it my hometown?
do u think is a normal respond that u did on that day?
do u think ur reply is responsible?
do u really think so?
i duno wer is my hometown..
i duno wat is a hometown..
i jz knw that i m homeless..
hanging around the roadside..
this is wat u wan from me..

why?why??
y u lie?
y u let us hate u?
y u wan did all this?
y u wan let us leave u alone?
do u knw this ending is not the one that we wan?
do u felt sad in a single second?
do u??
hw could u be like that?
how??

u shud knw hw to make the net..
u shud knw hw to catch the fish..
u shud learn it!!
dun wait us catch the fish for u..
u shud ask us teach u hw..
u shud!!

y u wan think that "oh, nvm..later i hungry i wil cry like baby then they wil pity me n give me ikan bilis..also enuf.."
y dont u think if we r really so cruel n leave u there cry all the nite??
yes, u do think so.. "oh, nvm..i can die here i m fine.."

shit!!wat the hell u say??!!
do u really care for us?? did u??

u lie us..
from little case to big case..
wat can i do..
i cried~
i ran~
i tried to accept~
i did all~
i follow wat u wan me to~
but y, u stil wan stress me..

y u wan blame everythings on me?
y u wan made until i say that is my fault?
y u wan tell me i m wrong to ignore u?
y u dun see the mirror of urself?
y u wan i dissapointed from one to another?
why?

i already try my best to accept..
i throw my result..
i dunwan my effort..
i miss my cert..
but wat i get at the last?
i got only my tears..
i got only the name of homeless~~