frenzz~

i had a really true great days with my frenz~
and i miss them so much...
this holiday..
i had gather with them a lot..
i spent most of my time with them..
the gathering we means..
we met in badminton court..always =)
we met in atmosphere, a cafe we used to go for our outing..usually =)
we met in bekerly corner..somtime =)
and last, we met in genting..the first time =)
when gather with them, i really feel very good..really..
the feeling is great!!!
the moment is unforgetable~~
eventhough we're far apart..but our heart never forget each other..
one of our fren, who moved to sentosa since form2..
when i recall back...and we stil keep in touch until now....we're form6!!
awesome..this is wat we called as fren =)

this is the first time we having our trip..
jz a short and fast trip..
even jz 8of us..
but the moment we fun together is great!!
really great =)
the moment we scream in a non-haunted house~~
the moment we shout out loud b4 the roller coaster moved~~
the moment we laugh crazily in hotel~~
the moment we scream when watching ppl playing space shooting~~
the moment we calculate the terrible food price in genting~~
the moment we freezing together~~
the moment we swing in the pirate boat~~
the moment we not fear but scream for cold~~
the moment we disturb ppl's children~~
the moment we got scolded by a cute children "shut up la"~~
the moment we lie on bed~~

fren...i love u all so much~!!!
i wil never forget all of u..
u all had coloured my life!!

jz realised =)

hmmm..
and i jz realised that...
the life without me, u're more happy =)
maybe at first you should do like this..
wont u realised about that?
ya, i know u realised about that..
and so you made a good decision..
i'm really happy to see your prefect life now =)
congrats ya^^

以为

来不及-罗忆诗
<<曾以为少了你的陪伴不算什么

怎么我微笑着心却是痛的.. >>

觉得那歌词很不错。。
或许我觉得它在诉说着我吧。。


我一直以为我可以。。

我一直以为我没事。。

我一直以为我很坚强。。

我一直以为我和外表是不一样的。。
可是看来我都错了。。



有时候真的不可以自以为是。。



就象当初的我，以为自己不会了。。
怎么知道我自己不敢对着镜子前的我。。

当初的我，笑着带过所有。。
真的不知道还是蒙着双眼看不见它在掉泪。。


当初的我，以为自己放得下。。
却靠着那扇门痛哭了。。


当初的我，以为自己可以大方接受。。
自己却关在家里不敢面对种种尴尬。。


当初的我，以为真的可以衷心祝福。。
银幕的那张照片心却酸了。。


那么现在的我呢。。。。

迷失了方向。。。

下雨了..

或许你是对的。。

你对他说过，放慢脚步。。

你也对我说了，试放慢脚步。。

我等了那么多天。。再多几天就一个星期了。。

我的青春希望不是在浪费。。

其实是为什么。。

难道一声通知也那么难吗？

那几天都下雨了。。

在这么最后的几天，我告诉自己算了。。

如果见到你我也不想说什么了。。

那封信，我冲动想把它给撕了。。

可是我没有。。

我知道我没在等待了，所以今天我也没失望。。

可是。。在我下定决心的那刻，

我竟然鼻酸了下，眼睛模糊了下。。。

情歌

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csT5_Sl95iM&feature=related

情歌永远那么甜蜜。。
那么让人陶醉在歌词和曲中。。

这首歌很好听，也让人很感动。。

心里真的希望未来会有一个真心对我的男人为我唱这么一首歌。。
可是他真的会用真心唱给我听吗。。？

如果我真的遇到了，我相信当下的我不会犹豫了。。

拥抱

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=161847893838493&id=138401809518750
((曾经在篇文章上看到一段话：
当一个女人从背后抱着你的时候，请一定别再挪动脚步，而请转过身，紧紧抱着自己的女人。
因为，当一个女人愿意从背后深情抱着你的时候，代表着她把自己的身心都交给了你，那拥抱里，有着太多太多的爱……
当一个男人从背后拥抱着自己的女人，两人的感觉是温馨和甜蜜的；
当一个女人从背后拥抱着自己的男人，女人是无声的祈求，而男人是心的复归和宁静…… ))
the quote~


and it had remind me....

我曾经对他说过，我喜欢他从背后拥抱我的感觉。。
那是很幸福很温暖的。。
就在我洗碗碟时，在我一个人吹着风靠着栏杆时，
那个拥抱是会软化我所有。。
然而，都是我对他说过的。。
永远都在我记忆里。。。。

那一天。。。
他从我背后拥着我的时候，我微笑答复。。
那个笑容是幸福的，我知道。。
那个拥抱我遗失了好久，我也不打算把它找回。。
可是他却抱着我。。
我不曾对他说过。。从来没有提过。。根本没有告诉过他。。
就是那个感觉。。。

又这么的一天，
他把我环绕在那栏杆边。。
无路可退，却感觉到那份安全。。

一直以来我都那么坚持，那么确定自己和你的关系。。
我清楚自己顾虑着什么。。
我也向你坦诚过。。
虽然每次我都说不过你，但是我的答案还是一如往常。。

我说过，你让我动了心，也感动了我的心，我喜欢你可是我们不能在一起。。

因为我看不见未来。。
因为我做得不比她好。。
因为我比你想象还要差。。
因为我不会是好的对象。。
因为我会伤害你。。
因为我有太多的不安。。
我不敢。。。。

可是。。。

我却发现我对你有想念。。
是想念吗？
我没学过那是怎样的感觉。。
我不知道是不是想念，还是那只是依赖？
还是我习惯了？

背后的故事

可是其实没有人知道，每一次的期待，背后都有一段故事。。

小学时期，我是坐在巴士上看着姐姐们羡慕她们。。
可是没有人知道，五年级那年是我第一次坐巴士。。
其实我不愿意。。我的生活根本不是那样。。
我为什么会到吉打去。。为什么剩下我一个人。。
准备着upsr却面临不应该面对的选择。。

中学时期，我回家了。。
不开心的生活，我依然熬过去。。
在我喜欢的15岁，也就是pmr那年，又发生了一些不希望的事情。。

我总是害怕它的到来。。
它是恶魔。。
它是妖怪。。

又是政府考试的时候，我又要兼顾两边的心情。。

而在我16岁那年，虽然我期待17，可是我预料同样是政府考试。。
它会不会又来。。。

spm时，依然相同的。。
只是我长大了。。会面对了。。
而且还多了感情问题。。
他，的确影响了我。。

18岁的现在，我还是会担心明年19岁的stpm，它会不会有出现。。
所以我不期待。。
只想开心活下去。。
反正都不知明天是不是世界末日。。

我的人生~

小学时期的我，羡慕穿着浅蓝色校裙的姐姐们；

中学时期的我，对15这个岁数特别喜欢，
或许因为政府考试证明一个人的成长吧；

16岁那年，我期待17岁，因为以后我不再需要买校鞋不再属于中学生；

spm那年，我等待18的来临，又是一个成长的象征，至少看电影时我不再担心是否会检查ic。。

今年的我已经18了。。
我是否还期待着21岁的到来？
是否等待进入赌场的那一天？

每一年我都有不一样的想法，不一样的梦想。。
是否这些就是我人生的寄托？
可是每一次我达到了，又不见得特别开心。。
是我不够知足？

范瑋琪-是非题

每段故事都有一篇剧情
每段爱情都像动人旋律
一颗真心却只向着你前进
也许爱 越单纯越着迷

你是窗外另外一片风景
在你眼里我是什么关系
你的呼吸藏在我的爱情里
何时能诚实面对自己

我们从不开口那个言语
那一句我爱你
永远像少了勇气
别人都说
我和你之间的关系
没有人相信只有关心

我们从不正视那个问题
那一些是非题
总让人伤透脑筋
我会期待
爱情盛开那一个黎明
一定会有美丽的爱情

你是窗外另外一片风景
在你眼里我是什么关系
你的呼吸藏在我的爱情里
何时能诚实面对自己

我们从不开口那个言语
那一句我爱你
永远像少了勇气
别人都说
我和你之间的关系
没有人相信只有关心

我们从不正视那个问题
那一些是非题
总让人伤透脑筋
我会期待
爱情盛开那一个黎明
一定会有美丽的爱情
我们从不开口那个言语
那一句我爱你
永远像少了勇气
别人都说
我和你之间的关系
没有人相信只有关心

我们从不正视那个问题
那一些是非题
总让人伤透脑筋
我会期待
爱情盛开那一个黎明
一定会有美丽的爱情

song~

and so i have to share my link on a new post ^^v


sometimes we love a song because of the tune~
sometimes we love a song because of the lyrics~
sometimes we love a song because of the singer~
sometimes we love a song because of someone loving it~
sometimes we love a song because we enjoy the rhyme~
sometimes we love a song because it makes us relax~

and i love a song because it voices out my mood and my situation~~

sickness~

i'm thinking that if i continue posting link or status to facebook, ppl wil feel very annoy~ maybe i should change the direction but post to my dearest blog~~
but actually wil someone click in to my blog??
i'm wondering..
anyone wil care of wat i posted??
watever...since at first i had this blog is also jz to create my own space..
the space which i can say out all my truth heart..
the space which i can cry to while typing..

posting to facebook actually means??
wish can from some words pass the msg to someone else?
jz to express the current mood?
share with fren wat happenning on u?
or something like LOA?

and i stil remember..
i never tel anyone else about my blog..
as i jz wish to keep it as secret..
jz wish can get a place and say it out wat i wan..
even the person i wish to scold..
bcoz no one wil refer and know it..
but who knows..
my sister told me she saw it one day..
jz with the click of "next"..
is this fate?? i smile..
and next, is one of my dearest fren--sorwen~
i gave her when she asked for it..
i think if is someone else, i wil answer "i never blogging"

i believe fate..
at first i really think that jz see who wil meet my blog..
without my direction..
and if fate let the person to know it, i willing to share with the person..
am i too "dan chun" ? haha..

i think this is my sickness la yorrr~~
actually this post i jz wish to share a link..
but i wrote so many stupid things...

please dont...

can u please dont let me down??
can u please dont make me cry??
can u please dont allow me to be alone??
can u please???
but u din..
and i drops my tear...
gosh!!! why why why!!!!
my mood are totally down down down...
anyone there??
can share my sadness??
or anyone there??
can scold me as wat one of my fren did on me??

memory~

christmas decoration is nice and cute in timesquare~~

i took few of the photo b4 we going back...

and it reminds me.....christmas on 2007 if not mistaken...

the hand around my waist..

the hand on my hand..

the smile on my face...

and now....is on the other one...

and i wish them all the best..

i really wish to received the red card from them.. =)

next week..on the christmas....i going to snap even more with my lovely sister..

hope can be my best memory ever...

and actually i wish i can over my 2010 christmas with more memorable..

the last wish for my wonderful 2010 year~~

i wish to refer back to the photo on 2007...

but it had been gone after the laptop stolen..and after i format it..

but then i also dare not refer it anymore..sorry..

when i saw the christmas tree..

and i'm alone now...in the picture...

thanks for giving me such memory..

christmas~

and i went to timesquare with my lovely mummy..
also my aunt, uncle and grandma..
is a nice shopping...
i dont like to shop with mummy actually >.<
she always non-stop praising on any shirt dress skirt pants i tried ==
"wow..nice.." "this great!" "both looked beautiful.." "it's suit for u.." "dont consider anymore.."
and many many more that at last i gonna say "ok, give me the new stock for this...." and walked to the counter and took out my lovely purse......and paid it =(
you know wat...i cant even reject the happiness on my mummy....
even the price is omg ridiculous!!! i stil need to buy it with my heart bleeding...
actually should i??
and so that day actually i not wish to follow them to timesquare~~~~
but...........mummy said, "it's holiday...is also the same if u sit at home...jz go with us...go la...."
reject is bad daughter... haha..this is wat i tot in the moment....

i text my sis during my journey...
"..how many more 10years i going to follow them...maybe next time i already in U or work?? who knows...chance never comes randomly....."
this is wat i told myself to think positively...
i try my best to be happy with it...
and i got my cny shirt for 2 =D
it's cheap and i'm satisfy with that..

sadness during holiday~

quite a long time i din get a new post for my dear blog~
this few days...how was my going?? how are me??
bad..totally sad..
at first...
i tot is something again like mood swing..
my mood suddenly turns emo..
no why..
but after that..i found that everythings happenned with a reason..
and so i know why am i emo..
the things that made me sad is totally shouldn't be..
but why i stil into it....
i dont know why i so care about it..
but i'm really sad..

i had a great shopping this holiday..
with my own salary..with my own decision..
which i never been tried b4..and i did it on my 18~ =)
the first i did....is waste on him....i shouldn't..
i regret after that...why i did that on him??i wonder....
and i sad jz bcoz of him....
i think i'm wrong...yes..i'm totally wrong...
i never ever do this b4..
even to him.. i never..
at first i tot is worth to do so...but now, is not....

every single msg i sent it to him..
i sad once... he doesn't know about that..
maybe he did, but i dont think so..
every call i dialled..
i disappoint once.. and i really wish he could know..

i'm asking myself why did i care for...
and i jz wan to know why..
and i wan to know wat is the reason..
jz that simple...but i couldn't get it..

drama~

ystrday midnight...
it's 1am... and i on the laptop....to watch the drama....
i know sure i wont sleep after the first episode..
that is my bad attitude~
and until 330am~
finally i confirm that i wont be awake in 8am..
but i had dated my fren to badminton...how how?? sleep~
and i really over slept (Z.Z)

i'm getting crazy with drama...
since i enjoying the day in form6, i had really forgot my drama...
the last one....
i think.....is the "gong sam kai"....
or...."kar hou yuet yun" ??
forgot about that...
but i hate drama actually~!!!!
bcoz i'll get into it...
i'll scold, i'll cry, i'll in love, i'll put all the situation to myself....
and always it mades me think as much as i could~
not i wan to blame it...but really lorrrrrrrr~~uncontrolable!!!!

and now i continue...
first, i watch until 330am..
next, i watch from 2pm-7pm..
then, i watch from 9pm-12am..
i think i'm escaping from my hmwk~~
not the way please.....i quite wish to pull myself out of it...
but i not willing to put out my hand to get out.....

this few days~
suddenly get addicted with badminton..
is jz the only one sport i think i can do it..
why am i so excited to join sport?
as i'm not the type of sporting person..
the most reason is stil keep fit..

duno why i really gain my weight...
since i entered my form6 life..
is it form6 life very nice??
and so it allow me to gain my weight??
in this half year??
jz like wat ppl always say blissful?? xing fu??
omg!! i totally.........quite enjoying actually =)

and so~~
today..i had a great talk with my sister..
(i'm always the best ear for her..
but she not my mic to speak out my prob~
maybe...i'm stil the one who cant say it too details simply..
sometimes i realised that my closer fren know me better than my family~)
ok, return back, i chat quite a long time with her..
and i found that the life for a worker or an adult is sXXk..
so bored are them..she told me duno wat can do after her working time..
some of her fren had really enjoy the work..
until midnight jz bcoz of the report, proposal, sales, account, plan, whatever......
jz like my bro done when i visit him in the penang..
he works at home until 4am and i duno wat he busy actually..
jz facing the computer..the laptop...the paper.....
is this is one kind of enjoy?? i'm doubt~
if u choose to enjoy ur work, jz like this kind of person...
ok, your working life is not bored but busy...u wan it??
or jz like another type...
after 5pm, ring~~~done.. dinner with fren? yam cha? watch movie? shopping?
that is the bored life i meant it..
both having the same salary, or i shud say not really have OT $ for those hardwokers....
jz bcoz u like the job and u "enjoy" it??

i got a question actually~~
if u were a doctor..
u wil do example 5operations a day..
and today, u can choose to have 8operations..
the extra 3 u do it or not...
but that is no additional of salary..is in your working time...
wil u bcoz of ur interest in operation and do it??
and as a doctor, sure u having the interest so u're here...
so wil u?? jz one kind of my interest, is ok, i can do it~
am i think too much xD maybe...

but maybe the most i stil lock on the salary...
a work....bcoz of interest?? bcoz of salary?? bcoz of future??
same as a course u choose....bcoz of wat actually???

i'm asking myself....am i really stil stick with my psychology dream??
sigh~ many ppl adviced me....it's zero in my country..they no need this....
but....my interest?? or jz another..maybe....really an engineer? however....it's less than....
wat to do...i stil doubt....about myself...
are you ok??