Life - Fragile - Appreciate - Did you?

Appreciate. We used to learn this word.

We used to practice in reality,

We used to type it out and let ourselves appreciate.

Yet, how many of u really did appreciate?

How is this action goes? How can this be?

Is there any procedure? Is there any guide line?

When u look into the news, daily news, there are so many cases that named as accident

What will u do? Comment, comment about the drive, comment about the careless, comment about the construction, comment about the reckless, comment about the things that u can see in the view of reader.

But, when the character in the news, turn out to be one of the person u had interact before.

Not to say the close person to u, just a person u had shake hand before maybe..

Nope, is a person that u had smiled before in the life of him or her.

What did u feel? Will u still commenting those that u did??

U might felt sad, u might felt so near to self, u might felt the lost.

Might, yea, maybe u wont, and maybe I am wrong.

But how come the life of a person is so tiny and so little, should I say this is one kind of selfish?

I don’t know which are the right feeling I have to put on,

When I saw my cousin lost his classmate in accident recently..

I don’t even know him, I don’t really close to my cousin,

Yet, the feeling is so strong that hit on my heart.

Drama? Movie? You did watched it, didn’t you?

Have u ever think before, why is there concern so much on the main character?

Have u ever think before, those people who appeared as the side, they have their own story, don't they?

Have u really look into it and know their story as well?

Drama never end at the last episode, it might be the good ending,

but don’t forget, it is just the ending that occurred in the drama, under the title of the drama.

Nobody knows what is going to happen and what is the ending of the life of them after the last episode.

Didn’t u thought about that?

I don’t agree life is short, but I  did agreed life is fragile.

U never know will u be able to survive in the next second.

Live without regret, how? How to make it? I wonder.

Appreciate whenever u can, sure? Do u sure u can? I wonder.

How can we live without regret? Make ur day happy? Stick to the loved one every second?

How can we appreciate all the while? No complaint? Maybe. 

There are so many things we have to take consider in our life.

I don’t wish to think again where and how will I be when I leave this lifetime of mine.

I just wish to stay up here and enjoy all the moment I can enjoy right now.

 Even cry is also kind of enjoy I knew. 

I don’t want to leave, 

I don’t want to end everything, 

I don’t want to lost things I had. 

Honestly.

MindSet

Huamn always think to the negative way,

Whenever they had decided anything,

They trying to convince themselves,

They comfort with those negative stuff.

Is this kind of the mind set? Is this the right way?

When u lost something, u trying hard to recall all the bad things

Things that u had thought before if had lost,

And when it is lost, trying to tell that is leads to another way too

Can this comfort u well actually? I wonder.

is this kind of convincing? kind of comfort? kind of unhealthy encouraging it seems....

Feeling of life~

i am really tired...
seriously, i dont wan to feel this anymore...

i wonder what kind of people i should be in my life..
am i the kind one?
am i the worst one?
am i??
why am i wrong to be the kind person?
why??

even being a kind person there is still wrong..
even helping others also i have to face those words from the other...

okay, fine, i know, those kind of words means envy..
but i couldn't take it, honestly..
i really cant take it with the normal heart..
my heart felt that at the moment..
i feel so worst...
why am i still wanna forcing myself to give smile to that person?
am i a fake person as he said??
is this we should do to respond on those we dont wish??
why is this fake??
tell me why??

i am sensitive with the word of FAKE..
stop that okay??

u had ruined my day..
i dont like people saying me like that..
stop that when i am really doing good on someone...

u had stepped my feet...
i dont like u pointing all my points and insulting it!!
it is me, ME, the only ME, no one have the right to point okay~
you are not me, you are not the one to build me as well..

so please shut ur mouth and do ur works alright!!!

the only one i waited..

i have no idea what made me say the truth...
i have no idea why i cant say it out infront of u..
i have no idea why the stubborn occurred in my heart..
i have no idea why regrets always run through my mind....

the day that i confirmed my feeling on u..
the day that i told my close friend i miss u..
the day that i make it as habit to view ur stuffs...


but u end up no respond on any..
but u end up dont take it serious..
but u end up stop contacting me..
but u end up posted that u wanna be alone...

it hurts..even it is not mentioned..
it hurts..even i am stil not the one for u yet..

the feeling was just like i m got rejected...

how can u love a person over and over again, if that person constantly reject u?
---quote from fireproof

i wonder...
did he rejected me indirectly??
did he constantly did that??

i was thinking that i m the one who put too much effort on this relation...
no matter it started with friendship or a lover, it still....
i am telling myself not to be the one that take initiate..
until that day,
i heard a story from coursemate...
i understood the story line brought out from the movie..
i clearly know sometimes i should put down my stubborn..
but,
it is too late..
again..

dont wish to get any hurt,
dont wish to end a friendship like now,
dont have confidence on each other to build up this love...

i knew,
if a relation at the beginning does not have trust and confident,
this love will never have a good story..
so, i decided,
time will heals i know..

just wanna let u know,
u are the only one that i truthfully waited before..
all the while..all the moment..
with the heart that only give confident on u...
i m sorry unable to build up the confident between us,
i m sorry unable to say i meant it when i meant so,
i m sorry unable to ans ur ques when u asked me indirectly,
i m sorry unable to be your forever one <3>
 

老朋友

亲爱的老朋友。。
真的很珍惜我们拥有的这份缘分一起被送到这所谓遥远的地方。。
知道的这一刻，其实也没想太多。。

可是当步入这地方的时候，那种感觉真的很不一样。。
我相信如果不是有你们的陪伴，很多事情真的要亲历亲为了。。
早午晚餐就要一个人坐在食堂吃。。
参加任何活动就要自己积极认识新朋友。。
等巴士就要自己站在巴士站发呆。。
在巴士上就不能嘻嘻哈哈的聊天。。
很多很多的那种难以形容的感觉。。。
我们其实真的比其他人来得幸福了！
谢谢你们。。。
虽然老实说，我们的友谊并不是那所谓的知己，
可是以前那天真不懂事的曾经，真的会成为我们的回忆。。
不管以前有多么的不愉快，随着年龄的增加，真的大家都只在乎目前。。

我们让彼此觉得有温暖的感觉。。
毕竟大家认识了那么久。。
这８年的相处，虽然不是天天相伴，虽然不是年年同班，可是这份友谊真的来得不易。。
老套的一句，世界那么大，我们能相遇，再认识，然后有着友谊的称号，再一起来到这地方，我们真的要好好珍惜噢！
相信会去那中学聚会我们又会见面，大家都长大了！

离开的那一天

离开的那一天，我没有流泪。。
在飞机上的那一天，我没有后悔。。
到达的那一刻，我告诉自己既然天再一次那么疼爱你，你就珍惜吧！

四个月了。。
终于我成功了。。
我没有因为想家而哭泣。。
我没有因为洗衣服而难过。。
我没有因为吃不惯而想念妈妈的菜肴。。

要离开的这前几天，不知怎么的感触特别深。。
 不停的询问自己，不想回家吗？
这问题我不回答。。。
我想回去，我想见见久别的朋友，我想让自己休息，我想念那三个小瓜。。
我想回去，我想念每件事有她帮我ｂａｃｋｕｐ的姐姐，我想见见爸爸妈妈。。

爸爸，是最特别的。。即使我离开家里多么久，我在感情上有什么起伏，他总是如此冷静，总是不把一切挂在嘴上。。可是沙巴的这一次，他每次的来电都告诉我他想念我。。他总说，机票便宜就会来见我。。每次听了其实都有在想他只不过的酒后的言语。。我也明白，因为那过海的原理，真的让人人都认为远了。。
妈妈，我逛街的对象。。想回去和她一同逛街扫新年货！虽然她每次都是怂恿我花钱的逛街伴，这件好看，这双很适合，这对真的不错。。呵呵。。。
哥哥们啊。。。。
你们都是我从小就不粘的，一直以来你们都离我远去，你们都为自己的理想自己的生活谋生。。所以呢，我这小妹就只会感恩你们对我的关心。。想念就还好了。。哈哈。。

我要回家了！不管什么原因来到沙巴，不管家里发生再多的事情，不管我在这里开不开心，我真的很感恩也很珍惜大家为我关心为我担忧为我决定的一切。。
真的谢谢你们。。
等我回来！

为什么沙巴。。

沙巴-一个听起来觉得很森林的地方。
我却不知不觉地在这地方过自己的生活，超过四个月了。
什么感觉？想家吗？躲在角落哭泣吗？常在被窝里打电话回家吗？
呵呵。。
怎么我什么都没有。。

回想当初，我不像朋友那样为了赌气选了沙巴。。
我不像朋友那样把沙巴放为最后的选择。。
我只不过是完成自己的心愿，自己从中五国明服务时的心愿。。
我达到了，终于达到了！我过海了！
当初我就只是一心一意想要到一个遥远的地方，
就只是想要过自己自力更生的生活。。
当然我知道，背后的故事才是真正的原因。。

我没有为自己担心过。。真的。。
因为我是猪，只要能闭上眼睛，就能睡着。。
因为我是猪，只要那食物是人该吃的，就能 入口。。
不是因为我没要求，不是因为我一故要节俭。。
就只不过我没关系，真的。。

我是个女生，有如此的想法让周边的亲朋戚友不解，我知道的。。
可是我没有加以解释，因为只要我笑笑的对他们说 “嗯，是我自己的第一选择 =) ”  他们就会觉得既然你开心，也不会是件坏事。。

家人没有为我操心。。我知道的。。
这么多年以来，我都是这样过日子。。
在国名服务时，我开心的说那是我开心无忧的日子，而且还是我能吃上正餐的日子！
想当初，人人都吃不惯，人人都想妈妈煮的菜肴，人人都泡面过日子，
我却吃着那些免费的咖哩鸡、仁当鸡，只要不是那多骨的鱼，我都开心的吃！
心里其实默默的说，在这里的生活比在家那天天在外打包的好。。
妈妈不是正中的家庭主妇，妈妈不是不会煮，只不过。。。。。我也不晓得。。

我不知道这一切是否是件好的 事情。。
可是我知道虽然表面的听说真的看似很好很开心，但每当我回想起，其实眼泪都会不知不觉地滑落。。

所以啊， 沙巴， 你真的难不倒我。。
但是心里其实有什么感触我真的不知道。。
或许是自己不想去知道吧。。