again..

i try to clear my mind..
i try to get rid of..
i try to close my ears..
i try to pay my attention..
i try to understand well..
i try to slap myself..
i try to ignore..
i try to smile..
i try to force myself..
i try to forget..
..
..
..
but i knw i failed..
i knw i care..
i knw i mind..
i knw i hate..
i knw i cant concentrate..
i knw i miss..
i knw i sad..
i knw i down..
i knw i angry..
i knw i cry..
..
..
..
i wont forgive wat u had done..
i jz can act as normal, but mark in my heart..
i jz can cry in a corner, but smile on face..
i jz can sleep all the way n dont wish to be waked..

sorry~

so sorry if i hurt u..
i knw it's really hurt..
i knw wat urs feeling..
i din ignored it b4..
i din try to ignore too..
everytimes i care it..
everytimes i be silent..
everytimes i stand beside..
but everytimes i notice it..
i doesn't mean wan let it be complicated..
but it comes to be..
i'm so sorry..
once a thing happened, i couldn't reject it..
i knw is my fault to blame..
so i apologise..
i knw is not used to it..
so i let it continue..
i knw it should be end..
so i try to convince myself..
i knw wat shud i do..
so i try to do it..
but i think i'm failing..
you.. i realised everythings..
and i get to know everythings too..
i feel it..
and i try my best too..
i jz can say..
sometimes action or reaction doesn't means anything..
sometimes i walk away doesn't means i dont care..
sometimes i ask about it doesn't means i accept it..
somethings that should not be please dont let it to be..
you.. it doesn't mean i dont know..
i knw everythings..
but i dunwan to say anything..
i'm not that clever to judge everythings..
but i wish something that will not happened..
i try my best to balance it..
and i hope i can did it..
i try my best to turn it in a round-about..
and i hope R2 wont be zero..
i saw the respond on everything..
i jz can say that i'm not that small as u tot..
somethings that should not start please dont let it to be..
you.. knowing that it's a dream..
even hope to continue it..
but sometimes we should face the music..
so i choose the be normal and simple..
wish u to be happy..

sad~

i'm sad.. very sad very down..
my mood swing seriously..
i duno wat shud i do..
i felt very pressure..
everythings that around me..
so messy.. or i let it be messy..
i really need some time..
need some time to release..
need some time to control myself..
need some time to rest..
but my time management going poor n poor..
wat happened on me..?
after going to the pre U life..
watever normal becomes abnormal..
i'm really mentally n physically tired..
for you, for him, for her and for them..
please.. i dont wish to see again n again..
please..dont ask me..
please..give me some chance to advice myself..
please..give me some time..
please..care for those ppl around u..
please..dont let me hurt u once..
please..dont ignored me..
please..dont overjudged me..
please..give me some way to go..
please..release me from stress..
please..tell me the truth..
please..dont affect me..
please..believe me..
please..dont force me..
please..understand my situation..
please..dont make me to choose..
please..dont blame me for everythings..
please..let me go..

i knw i'm wrong sometimes..
why dont u give me a chance..
i knw i'm bad sometimes..
why dont think wat the reason..
i knw i'm not good enuf..
why dont bring me to a good way..

i just wan to have a normal life..
i just wan to be simple..
i just wan to learn..
can u please dont be so materialistic..
can u please make it more simple..
can u please believe that simple way leads to a happy life...??

5sibling~

when ppl asked about my family members..
actually i felt proud to say that i have 5sibling included me..
since i was young, until now as a teen..

but i saw the different actually..
i'm sad..i'm down..
when there is a problem, actually 5sibling are not much enuf to handle it..
when there is a problem, i found that we are too less to face the problem..
i counted, 1 solve a, 2solve b, 3solve c, 4solve d.. efghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz? who gonna solve it??

pre U life~

i like to called myself as a pre university student..
as this can show that i'm getting much bigger elder n higher..
actually i didn't know that y did i chose such way..
the road never taken.. i miss u actually..
but i knw i had walked for a distance...
i forced myself not to make a U turn..
i knw im front there stil got another short cut to go..
but i tell myself not to go there..
i wish to enjoy the way i walk along this road..
i'm happy now.. even thought i hurt by many roots n leaf..
but i knw those scar wil let me grow much bigger..

on the way going, i met a lot of travellers too..
i met some senior who already travelled for 1year..
they shared their experience..
they taught me alot..
i wont forget them until my life end..

besides that, those travellers are also friendly to know about..
we share we joy while we walking in the journey..
i wil continue my journey.. yes, i will!!

waiting~

u knw that i wont wait for ur return..
as i knw that u wont return too..
from that day u told me u wont, i tel myself i wont wait too..
u always break ur promise..
since the first day we started, until the last day we ended..

do u stil rmbr?
that day when u came back..
u told me.. or i shud say that u asked me to...
u asked me to wait for u..
u tel me all the bad things that u faced from ur new girl..
u tel me that u wil leave her as fast as u can..
are my heart happy? no, sorry..
i din even happy..as i din wanted u to come back too..
but i felt happy when u realised that i'm better than her..
that is enuf..enuf to relief my pain..
my pain.. from the last day u hurt me with her good n benefits..
all the hurt had been relief after u realised..

anyway, i wont wait for ur return..
i didn't start for another relation, doesn't mean that i miss u..
jz means that i understood the consequence for every relation..

u din made me angry..
u din made me cry..
u din have such big influence as u thought..

from our photo~

suddenly, i refer back to my friendster account..
i saw alot of photos.. alot of memory recall me..
so happy to get back my old photo which i lost last time..
but..
when i click in a private folder...
i saw our photo inside..
yes, i haven delete the album yet..
y i din did so? i dont know.. and i dunwan to knw too..
but when i saw each photo, my heart seems like talking somethings to me..
the heartbeat is abnormal.. but i knw its not the beat that called miss..
i knew that i already put it off..put it down..even thrown..
but i stil save the album..maybe is jz for memory..
maybe?? not.. its true that is for memory~

our photo recalled our happy moment along that 1 and a half year..
r we that close? unable to remind myself..
i miss that sweet n close feeling..
but i not miss u..