Tidying - Issue3 - Results

Then, during my tidy, as usual, I looked through every single things I wrote and I kept.

My tears drop down,

at the moment I opened the original results sheet of mine.

Automatically, I wonder how real the scene is,

back to the second when I received it from my form teacher,

and she wanted me to unwrap the results sheet myself.

I rmbr how nervous the moment is,

to know the results and the effort I paid all the while in one and half year.

With my shaking hand, I tear it without following the doted line.

With the looking on my mum’s eyes, I feel I am afraid.

The moment I open it, jz like wat I did right now, the same, my tears got down.

How easily the tears had been controlled.

Involuntary action I should say.

I wonder, wat am I crying for actually,

until now I don’t understand my own feeling

I know I can do better than that, that’s it, don’t wish to speak much more than that.

Even now, i am already in the university, I stil cant stop my tears from falling down.

I had a worst result, did i?

I had a best result, am i?

That moment,

I hugged my BFF as tight as I could,

and cried as much as I wished.

Embarrassing kan? 

Gosh memory I had.

Yet I appreciate.

I know my dad unhappy with this result, yet there has no uturn, sorry dad.

Tidy my stuffs tidy the feeling I am where I am.

Live well! Be cheerful and move on!!

Tidying - Issue2 - Documents

I continue my tidying with the all my documents.

The world is sicked, save the tree, recycle the papers, we used to say

But I had so many hardcopy around my stuffs, yet, not all of them useful

I tidy the certificate of mine, it recalls me how I went through all the preparation before entering the university

And It is a year ago…

I go through all the medical check up, which useless right now >.<

I met a lots of obstacles all by myself alone.

How many tears did I drop down silently, with meeting with those unfriendly government servant

How many fears did I faced silently, with the unfamiliar direction but I drove all the way by myself

How many courage I put jz to tell myself this is the experience I should have learn and I have to move on!

How many worries in myself,

when the medical check up need a long queue,

when the certify of documents need to renew,

when the doctors asked me to go the main HQ,

when the guards told me I have to park far away n walk alone instead of the hospital roadside,

when A told me to seek for B and B told me seek for C yet C told me to seek for A,

when I had been informed I have to do all again and again…

Round and round, I paid my fully effort just to enter the uni

I rmbr the moment I got the scholarship offered

I am happy, honestly, seriously, I felt so shocked yet unbelievable! 

All the process I went through it,

from applied for emergency leave to the interview,

driving all the way to the never been road,

trying to look for google map,

asking siblings for guidance,

realized that im in the wrong way yet asking a policeman on duty,

 I felt I am really brave enough right now.

Once and twice, twice and thrice,

I went to the interview session,

I went to the public speaking moment,

I went to all the nervous path and finally I got it.

It brought along with me to the uni, I means the trouble.

The moment when I failed to get the chance to sign my agreement

The moment when I have forced to pay for the first semester

The moment when I need to take my flight before settled all the documents

The moment when I have to search for a post office in an unfamiliar place right here

Thanks god for sending me those helping person

I met a good senior, which have his own transport and helped me a lot with this matter.

Appreciate.

All the hard works paid, when I officially got the allowance from them, I am proud of it honestly.

I knew my siblings did felt the same,

not only on the scholarship but also the achievement of me to enter the local university after struggling all the while throughout my life.

All the memories pop out, and i felt touched on myself honestly :) 

Tidying - Issue1 - Expired

Ending as a first year university student, the feeling was great..

Started to tidy up my stuffs one by one as usual~

I realized a lot of matter...

 

First, those food or "alas perut" that I had ever kept it as a sign of appreciate,

or i should say that as a sign of i loved it too much and think used it is a waste..

but....
They had going to expired :/

I needed to finish it as fast as I cant without any enjoyment with it anymore :(

When i'm serving with it, I am thinking that how come I did so careless

When I really have it with me, I did appreciate, but in a wrong way

I should know there is an expired date,

I should appreciate it by consume it time by time

Even it had been left there for almost a year, jz bcoz I feel I should not waste it

But I doesn’t know I had wasted it indirectly as well

The feeling was hurt, seriously hurt and I felt the pain...

I appreciate, I dare not to hurt it, I kept it well, but I done in the wrong way 

It is always too late to be realized I m wrong.

No matter in storing favorite food, in keeping those receipt of purchase, it faded too.

The feeling was hurt-ed. Honestly. I felt. 

I rmbr last time my dad did told me, but I din take it serious

yet, i called it as a waste.

but now, i am the one who really wasted it! 

I did not know that the way of I am not appreciate it in the right way

Sorry to all my belonging, sorry for appreciate in the wrong way

Please know that I love you all that much,

I wish to keep for sharing with the loved one but…

终止

当话一说出口，我知道无法再修补。

当行动一夸出去，我知道这件事情的误会难以解释了。

  

一直都认为保持这样是好的，

直到另一个人的出现，

我发现有些事情，是需要终止的。

不可以那么自私，也不可以如此的贪婪。

你的举止

在我没有顾虑的这一刻，你没有开口。

好想知道什么阻止了你。

在你说出那番话的同时，

我没有100% 的相信。

你当时的举动，我怀疑自己的多疑。

你当时的言语，我尝试不去想太多。

你当时的冷淡，我说服自己没什么。

你当时的退让，我无法了解你真正的心意。

有一种感觉是我形容不到的。

有一种喜悦是在我难以开心时真心的笑了。

有一种渴望是在错过了也无法挽回的。

很想鼓起勇气，又深怕得到的答案。

很想知道当初你的想法，又怕是我多心。

很想开心真诚的谈，又怕会影响日后的我们。

从再遇见你的那天起，我知道你在我心里。

这些年来都是错过的那位。

从你想退出的当儿，我难过了，

因为我知道你不渴望。。