FlashBack#

watching back all the history is not a good thing, always...
is true, with the accompanions of sweet memories ;
is true, with the smile that hang on my face when scrolling down each :)
but it had made me re-call all the moment with questions.....

how 2person be such close get that loose right now?
even it is jz few months ago, friend can be a stranger..
where did the energy came from?
did the 2person forgot the moment then went closer?
well, it is 2years past...so??
the feeling of past also lost together with it?
is that true?
i wish to ask, do you remember? Honestly, do you still feel that feeling?
i re-called bcoz i missed.. i re-called bcoz i appreciated...
no matter on that moment or the days after it...

i wonder....
is the time brought us far from each ;
or the heart took us away...

i question...
is the sign of recall means regret ;
or the feeling means care...

i thought...
we will able to be back as initial, but never..

why is there happened to be a seperation...
the flow was so uncertain...
from a stranger, we met...
from a schoolmate, we knew..
from a classmate, we talked..
from a conversation, we understood...
from a friendship, we hold...
from a chat, we tighten..
but...all the process had been ignored....
from a word, we stopped..
from a person, we cooled..
from a conversation, we ended..
from a rumour, we gone.........
and i thought we will never be any except back to the first....
from a fate, we got...
from an end, we met....
from a smile, we smile...
from a hi, i melted...
from a talk, i wish u did feel the same....i wish u rmbr the moment the message the words the feeling.....

#jimui#i miss our friendship#honestly#

想念你

每一天我把它戴上，每一天我把它系上，可是我从来没有如此的怀念。。

今天望着它我想起了你。。想起了我们的回忆。。想起了当初你送上我的时刻。。

当时你想的是什么？当时你要的是什么？当时我逃避的是什么？当时你掉下的泪水是为了什么？

我从没想过我会如此挂念你。。

在你离开的时候，我彷徨。。

在你别恋的时候，我放弃。。

可是我没想过我会再次想念你。。

那股深深的感觉，怎么了。。我怎么了。。

脑里闪过首首歌曲，“看着我们的照片想念若隐若现...”“她进悄悄的来过...”“我飞行但你坠落之际...对不起我却没抓紧你...”

我们的回忆，我们的过去，什么都无法取代。。

来到沙巴的这段日子，认识了很多的新朋友。。

从简单的自我介绍到深入的了解对方，同样的一个问题我一直问自己，你是否是我曾经的唯一。。

回想当时，如果我放下执著，我们现在会在一起吗？

如果我勇敢面对，你会与我一同飞行吗？

如果我们还是朋友，我们还会熬夜聊天吗？

为什么对你有想念？

为什么对我那么好？

为什么不握紧我们的关系？

当初为了什么离开，当初为了什么不在一起，当初为了什么告诉自己你爱上她，当初为了什么再找回我。。

为什么？为什么我不信任离开过我的你？我应该庆幸吗？怎么我想念？

my dearest fren~

to all my dearest ji mui..
i never realised the feeling was that strong to me.
and i dont even able to control my feeling at that moment onwards...
28june2012~
the moment i am weird of disapperance of everyone.
i dont even get notice about it.
i thought maybe i aware on it at first.
but it end up with the story of this....
how many times am i going to convince u guys?
where i am staying is not really that far.
am i?
though i am not staying over Penang, not Seremban, not even over any sea....
just a little inform, at least i had been informed.
no, never.
i am jz been left out like this, jz bcoz of the word of Puchong.
okay~ thats alright~
maybe this had remind me the feeling of hurted.
the feeling of unable to be abandoned...
i am not angry, but seriously i am sad.
after i read the post, not even finish the last wording, i had dropped my tears~
no one know, even myself. it was an involuntary action. and that feeling was damn awkward!
wat the hell? i ask myself, are u alright?
and i think of another member of our gang----
i wonder, did she feel the same thing as me?
when she failed to attend or not even be invited by us?
why dont i cant feel the same things from her?
should i learn from her actually?
yes, i should.
from that moment onwards, i swear i will be stronger without them.
to prove that, i swear not to meet up with the gang and not even chat with them..
you will not understand why i act stubborn as this..
because the day without their chat was crazy and bored! i never know my life seriously is only them :(
and my dearest, please understand me, i am forced to be that far. because u will never know how silly was the house i had stayed over for 19years~
this is my dream to leave, but not expected i had allowed u guys to leave me too........

refresh back~

am i made the wrong step?

the step that i shouldn't step out..

i should take this as a deep deep secret..

but why i slip out from my mouth and told her?

i told her that day...no doubt....

it's jz a simply "yes"

they came for such many consequence that i duno should i avoid it...

since that day, they started for all those rumours..
rumours...
it had became a rumour, from the moment i ignore from reality...
i told my best fren, i did regret...
i told her, i did felt sorry...
i told about my feel, i did wan to go back....

on the other special only day...
i dont know is among the rumours or reality...
i dont even clear of my mind....
bcoz i take it as reality i know..
the reality that he said everything is to tell me...
the reality that he stil care on me...
the reality that he stil the one like 6years ago...

the moment that he said about the song....
i'm touched..honestly...
never forget...always.....
i still remembered that i did drop my tear for him....
not only me i know....

recalled me about everythings...
everythings related about him...
i wonder if he too, stil remembered about these..
about the memo pad he gave me...
about the bottle of stars he folded to me...
about the moment i'm beside when he upset....
about the things that i told him...

my dearest friend, i could called u as this right now.....
sorry..honestly...i felt sad on you...
i felt seriously regret...
on the words i told u....
but i not on my promise....
and u leave at the end....
i will be hold u tight right now...
is ok...tight as a fren...
i'm fine...really...
bcoz i know u too...will be fine...is it?

thanks for everythings..

thanks for letting me feel i'm so lucky...

thanks for respect me for everythings...

thanks for helping me all the time i need...

thanks for lending me ur ears to me...

thanks for stay strong all the time =)

let me know, whenever u need me..

i will always stand by your side...

not to cover back my guilty...

but, i do...appreciate the things u done for me..

for these 7years we knew each other...

sincerely, thank you very much my dear!!

A simpe quote~

a quote that i heard more than 3times from the different person~

"i had never been seeing you for a long time"

what is the meaning behind these words?
from the three person that namely my friend..

they never wanted much from me, but just a simple talk will do...
honestly, i do enjoy the conversation..
but when it goes abit more deep inside, i walk a step behind..
yup, i'm the one who never walked out from the darkness..ever..
maybe this is the meant of not on the right time..

until the day i met him and i speak to him...
regret to say that he is not the one who telling me this quote..
or i should say that it's better not for him to give me the hope...
and it should end up like this.. --end--

miss you badly~

that was the day you give me a call..
that was the day i never think of u at all..
that was the day i missed him..very much...
and you were with him on that day..
"hello" when i answering ur phone call..
no doubt, i'm sad why you are the one to speak..
i know..i understand..
he will not be the one to call..
he will not be the one that miss on me..
he will not be the one who care about me anymore..

i wonder...
am i thought too much from the start?
am i put too much feeling to blind up my eyes?
am i open my heart to wide on you?
why u gave me such feeling from the start?
did you realised about it?
or it's just the normal way u did on anyone else?
there are too much question i wish to get the answer from you..
and i know it wont be a good ending...
but why are you treating me good in the first?
why are you disappear again after that?
i miss you like crazy whenever i think of it..
i saved every single message from you..
i read each of it everytime and guessing your feeling...

seriously, i never felt this before after him ='(

Cried....again...why...

Feeling I'm so weak...but that kind of lack of energy....
But that kind ppl say as a bubble? Breaks when touch?
Hard to describe...but I know u get it as well...
The level or limit of my tears are low...
I cried out easily...is it means that I had kept it for too long?
Am I?
I wonder....
Dunno who to share it...
I'm seriously down down down...low low low....
Am I looked so easy to be bully?
Yes....
Am I looked like a child?
I tot i did changed to mature?
Am I looked pity enuf?
No...u never symphaty on me!!!
Am I innocent enuf?
I tried...

U...u.....u....mr razak....irate u..
I treat u with great manner, u giving me a corner to go....
Are u killing me?
I apologize for a manner meant, u think is a joke?!
I speake out the truth that u might meet it in ur future too....
U not qualified ok?!
Why am I able to scolding u bitch but pretend ok I front of u?
I'm not pretending but I can't show off these feeling...why....
I really felt I'm too easy to be cheated...
I know is a lie but I did symphaty for u...am I?
Felt hopeless to myself after this situation....
I had made my sister worries about me..
Tot I'm learning to be independent...why I'm not at all...
Am I really so stupid?
Am I really lack of so many knowledge?
Am I having a low eq?
Tel me please....
Why am I so weak to be....

I hope I wil be safe...
I hope he din duplicate my ic...
I hope he din act stupid job with my ic....
I hope I'm fine...
I hope my parents won't know about it....
I hope they stil feeling I'm great....
I hope I won't be worried by them...
I hope my dad not going to tell me go home and he wil work for me...
I hope I can earn myself some money...
I hope I can really life myself...
I hope I won't cry...
I hope I can do better....
But, I cried....
I know I had disappointed myself...
I'm sad of myself....
Honestly.......I hate my own...
I hate when I'm weak....
I hate when ppl started to bully me and I started to cry...
I hAte when I kind...
I hate, seriously..........
I'm hurted....
I wish to speak it out....
I wish to shout....
I had failed to find a place as this........

Boss

I felt sad..
This is the beginning...
Oh, nope..is ending of today...15of march......

Started with cheers, with happiness, with nice mood I had....
And it started....that's why I blip always...
Once u had happy for a long time, u wil pay it back...
U wil then sad for the same duration...seriously...it's karma...

I tot is a good ending....without boss around....
How come he came back at the last half hour...
And he asked me to do such normal routine work in these last minutes...
U know my phone rang..U act nothing?!
I have no ot to claim ehhh! And u hold me for half an hour...
Ur salary more than mine for big amount...
Ur allowance allowed u to have a place to stay...
Ur benefits make u to own a car....
And u wanted my half hour! Ok, fine....
You're boss, I shut up, right?
U never appreciate me...you're jz trying to choose the none from an egg....
Hey, please la, I dont voice out during working time....
But now is over...I told u that not written by me.. U can't blame me!
U insist to! Fine again.... U doesn't felt ur fault...
U r jz thinking that u wanna teach me..ok, I stood!
I try my best to forgive u in this thinking...bcoZ u r my boss too..............

bloggieeee

I wish I'm writing the days that I had over puchong...
I wish I'm writing the days I enjoying my first full time job...
I wish I'm finding here some sort of diary..
But I failed to do it all...
I dun have a space...
I means....I dun have a good laptop..I can't excess Internet...
The only way is to borrow...to wait...
And so I did...
In the midnight time....
I started to type...
For today.........

喜欢一个人

是否喜欢一个人，你会看看他的状况？
你会收着他的简讯？
你会在空闲时候回顾他所发给你的简讯？
你会很期待他主动的给你发简讯？
你会很开心如果他出现？
你会对着他的简讯傻笑？
你会偷偷说他坏话好让他不察觉你喜欢他？
你会在人家称赞他时多加一口？那就没人怀疑了吧？
你会赞同他说的一些明知的事实？
你会更开心如果你们有共同的话题？
你会替他高兴？
你会注意着他的存在？
你甚至会常到 fb 看看他最近的行程？
你。。。。
会这样吗？



但是我发现这个人赢不了我想念的他。。
当我发现我在怀念。。

There are some best pharses in one of the video I found....

¥ 他说：＂你会遇到更好的他。＂ 你说：＂但我不会再对人那么好了。＂

¥ 如果你会不经意地想起我，请别忘记我曾那样深深地爱过你。。

¥ 我真的还爱你，闭上眼，以为我能放下，但流下的眼泪，却骗不了自己。。

¥ 不爱的爱情，永远不会变坏，所以我们暧昧却不相爱。。


希望只是因为缘分不够时机未到吧。。
不想想太多，可是一切一切都太值得我去深入了解。。
有时候无聊会让人想更多。。
所以就让我忙碌下去吧！

The empty seat..

I have no any courage to go through it again..
Wat I can do is only focus on my current life status..
Hope I'm fine..
I know I can live without u..
Jz wonder why am I stil missing u..
Tot I had forgotten about u..
But I never realized there are something that could remind me too..

And so I believed, im wrong..
If I did, I wil not feel the miss the pain..

I tot my feeling can be paid on another him..
But I'm wrong.. He never replaced his seat..
I'll jz let the seat be empty right now..
No doubt..
I does not wan to get hurt anymore..

Backup ur love

翻开hard disk 所backup 的文件，我发现我没忘记。
看回我们的照片，为何我把它存下？
当时的你在想些什么？
为何你选择了我，又选择伤害我？
回顾我们相识的地点我们遇见的学会，我好想你。
看着你那支舞蹈的演出，我依然对你很欣赏。。
当时你心里是我不？

两年半了。。
我才发现我没放下。。
是吗？真的吗？还是那叫做回忆？

我把全部东西backup起来，是不是错误？
因为我不经意也把这份感情backup在心里深处了。。。