my dearest fren~

to all my dearest ji mui..
i never realised the feeling was that strong to me.
and i dont even able to control my feeling at that moment onwards...
28june2012~
the moment i am weird of disapperance of everyone.
i dont even get notice about it.
i thought maybe i aware on it at first.
but it end up with the story of this....
how many times am i going to convince u guys?
where i am staying is not really that far.
am i?
though i am not staying over Penang, not Seremban, not even over any sea....
just a little inform, at least i had been informed.
no, never.
i am jz been left out like this, jz bcoz of the word of Puchong.
okay~ thats alright~
maybe this had remind me the feeling of hurted.
the feeling of unable to be abandoned...
i am not angry, but seriously i am sad.
after i read the post, not even finish the last wording, i had dropped my tears~
no one know, even myself. it was an involuntary action. and that feeling was damn awkward!
wat the hell? i ask myself, are u alright?
and i think of another member of our gang----
i wonder, did she feel the same thing as me?
when she failed to attend or not even be invited by us?
why dont i cant feel the same things from her?
should i learn from her actually?
yes, i should.
from that moment onwards, i swear i will be stronger without them.
to prove that, i swear not to meet up with the gang and not even chat with them..
you will not understand why i act stubborn as this..
because the day without their chat was crazy and bored! i never know my life seriously is only them :(
and my dearest, please understand me, i am forced to be that far. because u will never know how silly was the house i had stayed over for 19years~
this is my dream to leave, but not expected i had allowed u guys to leave me too........

refresh back~

am i made the wrong step?

the step that i shouldn't step out..

i should take this as a deep deep secret..

but why i slip out from my mouth and told her?

i told her that day...no doubt....

it's jz a simply "yes"

they came for such many consequence that i duno should i avoid it...

since that day, they started for all those rumours..
rumours...
it had became a rumour, from the moment i ignore from reality...
i told my best fren, i did regret...
i told her, i did felt sorry...
i told about my feel, i did wan to go back....

on the other special only day...
i dont know is among the rumours or reality...
i dont even clear of my mind....
bcoz i take it as reality i know..
the reality that he said everything is to tell me...
the reality that he stil care on me...
the reality that he stil the one like 6years ago...

the moment that he said about the song....
i'm touched..honestly...
never forget...always.....
i still remembered that i did drop my tear for him....
not only me i know....

recalled me about everythings...
everythings related about him...
i wonder if he too, stil remembered about these..
about the memo pad he gave me...
about the bottle of stars he folded to me...
about the moment i'm beside when he upset....
about the things that i told him...

my dearest friend, i could called u as this right now.....
sorry..honestly...i felt sad on you...
i felt seriously regret...
on the words i told u....
but i not on my promise....
and u leave at the end....
i will be hold u tight right now...
is ok...tight as a fren...
i'm fine...really...
bcoz i know u too...will be fine...is it?

thanks for everythings..

thanks for letting me feel i'm so lucky...

thanks for respect me for everythings...

thanks for helping me all the time i need...

thanks for lending me ur ears to me...

thanks for stay strong all the time =)

let me know, whenever u need me..

i will always stand by your side...

not to cover back my guilty...

but, i do...appreciate the things u done for me..

for these 7years we knew each other...

sincerely, thank you very much my dear!!

A simpe quote~

a quote that i heard more than 3times from the different person~

"i had never been seeing you for a long time"

what is the meaning behind these words?
from the three person that namely my friend..

they never wanted much from me, but just a simple talk will do...
honestly, i do enjoy the conversation..
but when it goes abit more deep inside, i walk a step behind..
yup, i'm the one who never walked out from the darkness..ever..
maybe this is the meant of not on the right time..

until the day i met him and i speak to him...
regret to say that he is not the one who telling me this quote..
or i should say that it's better not for him to give me the hope...
and it should end up like this.. --end--

miss you badly~

that was the day you give me a call..
that was the day i never think of u at all..
that was the day i missed him..very much...
and you were with him on that day..
"hello" when i answering ur phone call..
no doubt, i'm sad why you are the one to speak..
i know..i understand..
he will not be the one to call..
he will not be the one that miss on me..
he will not be the one who care about me anymore..

i wonder...
am i thought too much from the start?
am i put too much feeling to blind up my eyes?
am i open my heart to wide on you?
why u gave me such feeling from the start?
did you realised about it?
or it's just the normal way u did on anyone else?
there are too much question i wish to get the answer from you..
and i know it wont be a good ending...
but why are you treating me good in the first?
why are you disappear again after that?
i miss you like crazy whenever i think of it..
i saved every single message from you..
i read each of it everytime and guessing your feeling...

seriously, i never felt this before after him ='(

Cried....again...why...

Feeling I'm so weak...but that kind of lack of energy....
But that kind ppl say as a bubble? Breaks when touch?
Hard to describe...but I know u get it as well...
The level or limit of my tears are low...
I cried out easily...is it means that I had kept it for too long?
Am I?
I wonder....
Dunno who to share it...
I'm seriously down down down...low low low....
Am I looked so easy to be bully?
Yes....
Am I looked like a child?
I tot i did changed to mature?
Am I looked pity enuf?
No...u never symphaty on me!!!
Am I innocent enuf?
I tried...

U...u.....u....mr razak....irate u..
I treat u with great manner, u giving me a corner to go....
Are u killing me?
I apologize for a manner meant, u think is a joke?!
I speake out the truth that u might meet it in ur future too....
U not qualified ok?!
Why am I able to scolding u bitch but pretend ok I front of u?
I'm not pretending but I can't show off these feeling...why....
I really felt I'm too easy to be cheated...
I know is a lie but I did symphaty for u...am I?
Felt hopeless to myself after this situation....
I had made my sister worries about me..
Tot I'm learning to be independent...why I'm not at all...
Am I really so stupid?
Am I really lack of so many knowledge?
Am I having a low eq?
Tel me please....
Why am I so weak to be....

I hope I wil be safe...
I hope he din duplicate my ic...
I hope he din act stupid job with my ic....
I hope I'm fine...
I hope my parents won't know about it....
I hope they stil feeling I'm great....
I hope I won't be worried by them...
I hope my dad not going to tell me go home and he wil work for me...
I hope I can earn myself some money...
I hope I can really life myself...
I hope I won't cry...
I hope I can do better....
But, I cried....
I know I had disappointed myself...
I'm sad of myself....
Honestly.......I hate my own...
I hate when I'm weak....
I hate when ppl started to bully me and I started to cry...
I hAte when I kind...
I hate, seriously..........
I'm hurted....
I wish to speak it out....
I wish to shout....
I had failed to find a place as this........

Boss

I felt sad..
This is the beginning...
Oh, nope..is ending of today...15of march......

Started with cheers, with happiness, with nice mood I had....
And it started....that's why I blip always...
Once u had happy for a long time, u wil pay it back...
U wil then sad for the same duration...seriously...it's karma...

I tot is a good ending....without boss around....
How come he came back at the last half hour...
And he asked me to do such normal routine work in these last minutes...
U know my phone rang..U act nothing?!
I have no ot to claim ehhh! And u hold me for half an hour...
Ur salary more than mine for big amount...
Ur allowance allowed u to have a place to stay...
Ur benefits make u to own a car....
And u wanted my half hour! Ok, fine....
You're boss, I shut up, right?
U never appreciate me...you're jz trying to choose the none from an egg....
Hey, please la, I dont voice out during working time....
But now is over...I told u that not written by me.. U can't blame me!
U insist to! Fine again.... U doesn't felt ur fault...
U r jz thinking that u wanna teach me..ok, I stood!
I try my best to forgive u in this thinking...bcoZ u r my boss too..............

bloggieeee

I wish I'm writing the days that I had over puchong...
I wish I'm writing the days I enjoying my first full time job...
I wish I'm finding here some sort of diary..
But I failed to do it all...
I dun have a space...
I means....I dun have a good laptop..I can't excess Internet...
The only way is to borrow...to wait...
And so I did...
In the midnight time....
I started to type...
For today.........