Feeling of life~

i am really tired...
seriously, i dont wan to feel this anymore...

i wonder what kind of people i should be in my life..
am i the kind one?
am i the worst one?
am i??
why am i wrong to be the kind person?
why??

even being a kind person there is still wrong..
even helping others also i have to face those words from the other...

okay, fine, i know, those kind of words means envy..
but i couldn't take it, honestly..
i really cant take it with the normal heart..
my heart felt that at the moment..
i feel so worst...
why am i still wanna forcing myself to give smile to that person?
am i a fake person as he said??
is this we should do to respond on those we dont wish??
why is this fake??
tell me why??

i am sensitive with the word of FAKE..
stop that okay??

u had ruined my day..
i dont like people saying me like that..
stop that when i am really doing good on someone...

u had stepped my feet...
i dont like u pointing all my points and insulting it!!
it is me, ME, the only ME, no one have the right to point okay~
you are not me, you are not the one to build me as well..

so please shut ur mouth and do ur works alright!!!

the only one i waited..

i have no idea what made me say the truth...
i have no idea why i cant say it out infront of u..
i have no idea why the stubborn occurred in my heart..
i have no idea why regrets always run through my mind....

the day that i confirmed my feeling on u..
the day that i told my close friend i miss u..
the day that i make it as habit to view ur stuffs...


but u end up no respond on any..
but u end up dont take it serious..
but u end up stop contacting me..
but u end up posted that u wanna be alone...

it hurts..even it is not mentioned..
it hurts..even i am stil not the one for u yet..

the feeling was just like i m got rejected...

how can u love a person over and over again, if that person constantly reject u?
---quote from fireproof

i wonder...
did he rejected me indirectly??
did he constantly did that??

i was thinking that i m the one who put too much effort on this relation...
no matter it started with friendship or a lover, it still....
i am telling myself not to be the one that take initiate..
until that day,
i heard a story from coursemate...
i understood the story line brought out from the movie..
i clearly know sometimes i should put down my stubborn..
but,
it is too late..
again..

dont wish to get any hurt,
dont wish to end a friendship like now,
dont have confidence on each other to build up this love...

i knew,
if a relation at the beginning does not have trust and confident,
this love will never have a good story..
so, i decided,
time will heals i know..

just wanna let u know,
u are the only one that i truthfully waited before..
all the while..all the moment..
with the heart that only give confident on u...
i m sorry unable to build up the confident between us,
i m sorry unable to say i meant it when i meant so,
i m sorry unable to ans ur ques when u asked me indirectly,
i m sorry unable to be your forever one <3>