哭了

我哭了。。
因为他因为他。。
我很恨我自己。。
因为他因为他所做的一切。。

到底我在犹豫什么？
到底我有感动吗？
到底我有动心吗？
到底他恨我吗？？

sorry

你何时满足。。?
the lyrics here..express their feeling..
showing my badness..
i duno wat can i do to relief their pain..
should i leave?

赌

面对爱情，应该让路还是再赌？
i duno wat is my feeling now..
stop or continue..
i really dont care?

my past~

i found many things about my past..
duno y..i tot it was a long long past..
but actually jz 1 and a half year + only..
i stil rmbr the day u say u wan break wit me..
it's last year end of june..
it seems i used lot of my energy to delete my sadness..
and yes, i did overcome it.. =)
all the notes i wrote..
it really bring a lots of meaning..
i wonder how i write it out last time.. >.<
all my feeling..all y expression..
not emo..but wat my heart n mind means..
it's all true n touches my heart..
u hurt me badly..but i learn it wisely..

ex~

我愿意当你一辈子的听众、一辈子的拥抱对象。。
suddenly i found this quote from my old notes~
yes..i promise this to myself..
i told u b4..
if u follow the wrong star, my love wil get u home..
is true..i'm always here for u..
but not the love on u..is jz a support.. =)

no fake pls~

sad~
when i facing other with the truth..
then i found that they are not telling the truth..
my heart is bleeding..
i duno the point they cheat..
i dun like the feeling of i'm in the light but u're in the dark...
i dun like.. i hate..
i duno wat r the truth on u..
but u know every single things about me..
maybe for me i feel that it's unfair..
but actually i jz wan u to face me with a true face..
i jz wan to understand u better..
please..dont lie..dont ignore..
when i say i'm, yes i'm..
jz tel me the truth and i know u'll feel the relax too..

if u played me for so long~
i'll never ever forgive u!

holiday~lazyy~

god~ wat holiday i having...
why am i wasting my time again and again?
i wont forgive myself..
i always say so..
but wat to do with not forgive..
the consquence is stil the same..
shit~
wat i had done..
haiz..
i always told myself i had done a good job..
maybe....a few questions~ a few words i read through~
oh god~ no man... how this can be??
wat happenned to me?
tel me please.....
i dont want to be a person who juz eat and sleep..
wat different btwn a pig and me??
even pig also walk around~shit~

aren't u?

did u care?
did u miss?
did u mind?
did u control?
did u wish?
did u try?
did u will?
did u like?
did u accept?
did u smile?
did u cry?
did u think?
did u dream?
and....
did u love??

can i knw the answer?

tel me why..
tel me the truth..
why i reply the msg?
why i answer the call?
why i open the door?
why i reply with smile?
why i act nothing?
why i accept the way?
why i be calm all the time?
why i easily been convinced?
why i always failed in this section...... T.T

comparing~

by comparison..
no..
i know it cant be compare anymore..
no..
is not to compare at all..
but..
i stil wan to..
why i cant do so?
why am i so stubborn??

problem~

until now i stil unable to handle this problem..
i tot i do..but when things come complicated, i cant..
once and twice..
i duno how many times i able to effort somemore..
can i leave it like this?
i tot i can..
but i knw i cant..
god~ u gave me many chances i know..
but so sorry..i didn't really appreciate every chances u gave me..
i make it more worst..
i shouldn't ask how and why..
bcoz i know the answer by myself..
jz i lie myself not to know...

sorry~

sorry..i'm really sorry..
i hurt both of them in the same time..
i duno wat should i do in that moment..
i jz know that it's wrong but i duno how to get it right..
if i have the chance, i wish to continue the life i having..
but i didn't..i need to stop i know..
sorry..
i know i hurted u..
i know it's sad..
i know it's bad..
forgive me if u think i worth to..

ns~miss~

suddenly i refer back to my own video..
one of the video is from agnes..
i miss her so much..
one of my best fren in ns..
while watching the video, i miss them +++++!!!!
more and more i miss..
i miss eunice~(the one who fren the most with me ^^) !! i miss agnes~(the one who lessbian with me) !! i miss man ling~(the one who quite same look with me >.<) !! i miss ah ton~(the one who always blur among us) !! i miss ah teng~ (the one who eyes very big and funny) !!
but then, y i miss de ppl also from delta group?
where is my bravo group frens??!!
oh~!! i miss apple ooi..the thin fellow~ i miss sze nan..the one i call her kap jie~ i miss them..really..
i miss kuilian..the one who having the same name "kui" with me..
i miss maggie..the one stay in ku but we never met..
i miss them..

even we jz gather for 3months..
but i realised that i can miss them after that..
is this shows human's heart??
i really miss them..
really..
miss..
hope to hug all of them now..
hope to gather right now..
duno y..
suddenly got a strong feeling ask me to do so..
really miss~!!!!!
appreciate feeling...
i miss you~

growing~

b4 i sign in my blog...~
i realised a thing..
from my cute niece, Charlene Loo~
my sister-in-law calling her :"bao bei, bring the towel here."
(her brother, my nephew, Charles Loo, is cleaning up in bathroom right now)
charlene replied :" oh~."
i wonder~ 2years old ++ baby~ i haven really saw b4 the way she in responsible~
then i look out from my room..
oh~really..she took the towel to the bathroom for her mom..
one of the things i saw..she really show her "elder sister" look..
finally no lao gai..
and now, i hearing charles mumbling "baba~papa~mama~"
then charlene responding "didi, didi, didi~~"
seems like teaching her younger brother to talk~
is this a sense of growing up?

am i growing up too?